Dining at an expensive restaurant – especially one that is famous for an extensive “game” menu - with four kids is an adventure not many parents I know would embark upon.   But this was a celebratory evening – Kendall and Sophie had graduated with honors from 8th and 5th grades respectively and Michael and I felt it was time to treat them to a grown up meal.  Translation:  one menu (no kids’ menu), all meals were a pricey and did not come with a salad, desert or drink.  Lesson # 1: Definition of a la carte.

After they asked, we told the kids that, no, we would not just give them the money if they chose not to order – Lesson #2: expensive restaurants are about the “experience” (dang these kids are going to be great investors) – all but one dove in and order something unusual – just to try it.   The result – a wonderful array of elk, lamb, raw fish, cooked salmon, freshly made Cesar salad dressing and deserts that would please any palate regardless of age or food orientation.

“This doesn’t taste like Cesar!” exclaimed Paris dismayed by the one thing other than mashed potatoes on the menu that she felt she might be able to stomach – she is used to the good but bottled variety.  Still, she was a trooper and gave it a second and third chance.  Their willingness to be adventurous was truly impressive and I am sure influenced by Michael who is always game (pun intended) for just about anything.

Kendall delighted in his New Zealand Elk tenderloin.  In true form, he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu just because it was the most expensive thing on the menu.  He loved it. 

“You can taste the hide,” Kamden said after sampling his brother’s elk dish.  All chewing around the table paused after that comment, but if the giant moose, antelope, and elk heads looking down upon us didn’t stop them from eating the meat, then one comment about the reality of what they were eating wasn’t going to either.  Lesson #3:  When in Rome….

“The salmon is really good,” Sophie remarked after finally convincing Kamden to give up a bite from his plate.  Sadly, she did not like her filet mignon, understandable as she ordered it with the rich wild mushroom bordelaise sauce on the side.  Without the sauce, it’s just a plain piece of really expensive meat.  Lesson #4:  Fancy restaurant food is all about the rich sauces.

After wondering what each of us would say if we could throw our voices ventriloquist style and make the heads above other tables talk (and freak out the diners below) – “Mom?  Is that you?”  “Don’t eat me – it hurts!”  “That’s my brother!”  Michael, just a bit too loudly, blurted out, “EAT DUCK!”  We all buried our heads a bit and tried to conceal our laughter, for our kids (who were the only kids in the entire restaurant) had done a great job up to that point at maintaining “fancy restaurant behavior.”   Lesson #5:  Ultimately, whatever it is, is always the parents’ fault.  (Hilarious!)

Two and a half hours later, an enormous amount of food, and a bill that sent the kids into a tizzy about the what percentage of an iPad they could have owned for the price of the meal, we all left with fond memories, some great stories to tell, full stomachs and a priceless family experience.

In reflection, one thing stands out about how Alberta lived her life.  She did not live in the past, nor did she dwell in it.  She chose to live in the present moment. To love in the present moment.  For life is not about the love we did not receive in the past, or the pain of the past and our attempt to heal from it, life is about the love we give to others, today.

“It takes great courage and personal strength to hold on to our center during times of great hurt.  It takes wisdom to understand that our reactiveness only fans the flames of false drama.  Love creates a mystical shield around us, protecting us from chaos.  When we are in the midst of loss…or crisis of any kind, there is power in the words, ‘Be still and know that I am.’   There is no loss except in time…and time does not exist.”  – A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson

Only love is real.  And Alberta, your love will live on today and every day.  Dance in peace.

Dear Friends,

Too many children are growing up around the world without parents.  And that is not okay.   Kids who have lost their parents experience severe trauma.  And without consistent nurturing by the same, caring adult, they do not develop as they should.  This results in developmental delays, emotional challenges and learning problems.  Without the intervention of a parent, they do not do well – they end up not finishing school, becoming teen parents, being trafficked, committing crimes and spending time living in prison and on the streets.  With the help of a family orphans and foster youth can succeed – and live productive lives.

Supporting Kidsave as we move into the New Year – or as you finish your charitable giving for 2010 – can make a dramatic difference in a child’s life.  Make this the year you host or financially sponsor a child – or become an advocate.

·        Please help us connect families to children in need.  Learn more about hosting or sign up online at  http://www.kidsave.org/host.shtml

·        Hosting and adopting isn’t for everyone.  So if you can’t give time please make a gift to Kidsave and make a difference in the life of a child.  A simple gift of $25 per month will make a big difference in Kidsave’s ability to keep working for these children.  Please give as you can at:  https://www.kidsaveinternational.org/SSLPage.aspx?pid=379

We are grateful for all you have done to help us and hope you will think about how you can best help children find families – or help advocate for change in how orphaned children are cared for – in 2011.  Please let Randi (Randi@kidsave.org) or me know (terry@kidsave.org) how you’d like to get involved.

Wishing you all the happiest and healthiest of New Years – and again, thank you for your support.

Terry Baugh

Terry Baugh
President
Kidsave
www.kidsave.org

5185 MacArthur Blvd., NW, Suite 108
Washington, DC 20016
Direct: 202 280 6327
Main: 202 237 7328
Cell: 202 352 5437
FAX: 202 237 7080
…Finding families for children the world has forgotten

As if you need an excuse to roll up your sleeves, dip your fingers in paint and smear it everywhere but on the canvas – yup, just give in to it, your house will not be clean until the kiddies leave for good….and then you will miss it – so enjoy it now – September 26 through October 2nd is National Keep Kids Creative Week.  Here are some ideas of what you can do that “qualifies” as creative:

Cook
take a walk and collect leaves
Strum, bang, blow on anything to make music
sing.  The louder the better!
Draw, Paint, Color
Blow up a balloon and see what you can make out of it, get it to stick to something, use it as a base for paper mache (basically just dipping strips of newspapers into water and flower).

And, if like me, your kids are growing up and their idea of creative is learning the newest Eminem song, then see what kind of App would make your life and theirs easier – and download it to your phone.

Whatever it is, if you share in it, it qualifies as creative.

One giant step for loving partners and parents everywhere…

“Fundamental rights may not be submitted to [a] vote; they depend on the outcome of no elections.” Ninth Circuit District Court Judge Vaughn Walker overturned Prop 8 for the following reasons, some of which may be shocking to severe conservatives or extremists, but if they could lay down judgement for a moment and reflect upon how it could possibly relate to their own lives, then perhpas they will see the truth in his words.

1 – “Sexual orientation is commonly discussed as a characteristic of the individual. Sexual orientation is fundamental to a person’s identity and is a distinguishing characteristic that defines gays and lesbians as a discrete group. Proponents’ assertion that sexual orientation cannot be defined is contrary to the weight of the evidence.”
2 – “Individuals do not generally choose their sexual orientation. No credible evidence supports a finding that an individual may, through conscious decision, therapeutic intervention or any other method, change his or her sexual orientation.”
3 – “Same-sex couples are identical to opposite-sex couples in the characteristics relevant to the ability to form successful marital unions. Like opposite-sex couples, same-sex couples have happy, satisfying relationships and form deep emotional bonds and strong commitments to their partners. Standardized measures of relationship satisfaction, relationship adjustment and love do not differ depending on whether a couple is same-sex or opposite-sex.”
4 – “Marrying a person of the opposite sex is an unrealistic option for gay and lesbian individuals.”
5 – “Same-sex couples receive the same tangible and intangible benefits from marriage that opposite-sex couples receive.”
6 – “The availability of domestic partnership does not provide gays and lesbians with a status equivalent to marriage because the cultural meaning of marriage and its associated benefits are intentionally withheld from same-sex couples in domestic partnerships.”
7 – “Permitting same-sex couples to marry will not affect the number of opposite-sex couples who marry, divorce, cohabit, have children outside of marriage or otherwise affect the stability of opposite-sex marriages.”

(Read more detailed coverage and opinions at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/04/prop-8-overturned-gay-mar_n_671018.html)

Recently, a child cried on my son’s shoulder at graduation.  No one showed up for her.  No one to see her walk across the stage or stand and be honored for her achievements.  The seats reserved for her family were empty.  My son felt so bad.  To make matters worse, he had been invited to the after graduation party her family was throwing at a retail location down the street.   The kids were going to get to hang out, mix CD’s, eat, and, evidently, be filmed for a reality TV series.  So, where was her family?  Evidently, prepping for the party.  It turns out that they were more concerned about how they would appear on camera at a 5^th grade graduation party for some rinky dink reality show than they were about actually showing up for their kid’s big moment.   That’s some seriously messed up priorities.

My son’s friend and many of their friends did go to her parents’ “wanna be reality TV show / CD mixin’ / D-celebrity who doesn’t show up to her kid’s graduation party” but my son chose to go to another party.   And in a moment of reflection, at the end of the day, he grabbed my hand and said, “Thanks mom, for being there for me today.”

Kids notice.  And they know what’s going on.  And if you tell yourself that “it” (whatever it is) is no big deal or that there will be plenty of other “its” then you might want to examine your priorities and question why you became a parent in the first place.