“Losing control of our emotions means we are always in the control of someone else.”

-Karen Casey

Talk doesn’t cook rice.

–Chinese proverb

”Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken.”

I looked up “divorce” in the dictionary today, having never had it truly defined by anything other than the immense pain that results from it. Here is what the trusty book had to say:

1. To terminate an existing relationship or union : Separate

2. To end marriage; to dissolve the marriage contract

And my personal favorite:

3. SEVERANCE. (Yes, this was in all caps in the trusty book adding to the scariness of it).

Looking up severance, I found what my sixth grade teacher used to count as wrong – defining a word with a derivation of itself:

Severance: the act or process of severing : the state of being severed

So, onward to severing and severed. Is it me, or does it keep sounding more and more violent as we further define it?

Sever – ed – ing: to put or keep apart : divide : to remove (as a part) by or as if by cutting.

And that finally gets to the core of it. Divorce feels like my heart, my chest, my insides are being cut apart and removed bit by bit by a jagged violent knife. It’s not just one severance causing the pain, for me it is a triple whammy. It is finally dealing with the dissolution of my marriage. Realizing, perhaps too late, how great the loss of my committed relationship and our families with another truly is. And the pain I have finally become conscious of that comes into play now that I have finally acknowledged that my kids don’t live with me full time anymore. The loss and the pain that delve into each of those situations are so deep, so intense, that unless you have been through it, unless you have ever allowed yourself to feel what severing truly feels likes and means on an emotional level, then there is no way to comprehend it.

Today, I share my pain and my loss with you. I heard a great quote today, one that I truly believe I was intended to hear and share, and God willing, it is true.

Pain shared is Divided.
Joy shared is Multiplied.

I never thought I’d say this, but I am sooooo looking forward to multiplication tables.

The more shared past there is in a relationship,
the more present you need to be;
otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
- Eckhart Tolle

This is a good quote to ponder as we all head in to the Holiday season with our kids, our partners, our parents, our friends.  May we all find the blessings and be grateful for each and every person…in this moment….in the present.

Happy Thanksgiving!

“He who is not every day conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson