Like so many other situations, if we would follow the advice we give our kids, our own lives would be so much better as well. Here is a great article from the fabulous TheSavvyGal.com website. Check it out: Top Ten Nutritional Tips for Children
“If Resistance couldn’t be beaten, there would be no Fifth Symphony, no Romeo and Juliet, no Golden Gate Bridge. Defeating Resistance is like giving birth. It seems absolutely impossilbe until you remember that women have been pulling it off successfully, with support and without, for fifty million years.”
Stephen Pressfield in The War of Art
The gleeful, excited faces, full of anticipation and hope were in abundance at the drop off registration for the first day of summer camp. The energy to get started was practically buzzing in the air. There were a few stragglers, a few “hangers on,” who looked a bit nervous about being on their own, but for the most part, all looked like seasoned pros. There were kisses and hugs and loving swats on fannies of all shapes and sizes, but once they turned to go, there was no turning back…not even for the obligatory final “I love you” wave. Nope, they were free, finally free, and they would not waste one precious moment.
The kids on the other hand….
Recently, a child cried on my son’s shoulder at graduation. No one showed up for her. No one to see her walk across the stage or stand and be honored for her achievements. The seats reserved for her family were empty. My son felt so bad. To make matters worse, he had been invited to the after graduation party her family was throwing at a retail location down the street. The kids were going to get to hang out, mix CD’s, eat, and, evidently, be filmed for a reality TV series. So, where was her family? Evidently, prepping for the party. It turns out that they were more concerned about how they would appear on camera at a 5th grade graduation party for some rinky dink reality show than they were about actually showing up for their kid’s big moment. That’s some seriously messed up priorities.
My son’s friend and many of their friends did go to her parents’ “wanna be reality TV show / CD mixin’ / D-celebrity who doesn’t show up to her kid’s graduation party” but my son chose to go to another party. And in a moment of reflection, at the end of the day, he grabbed my hand and said, “Thanks mom, for being there for me today.”
Kids notice. And they know what’s going on. And if you tell yourself that “it” (whatever it is) is no big deal or that there will be plenty of other “its” then you might want to examine your priorities and question why you became a parent in the first place.
Struggling with how to deal with my teen and pre-teen boys asserting themselves and finding themselves in the veritable maze that we now seem to navigate daily (sometime days better than others), I have discovered that going back to basics is key.
Basic #1. Your kids do not need a friend, or a buddy or a pal. They need a parent. And parents can seem unreasonable and embarrassing and like they don’t know what they are talking about. But at the end of the day, “Because I am your mom” is enough. No other explanation necessary.
Basic #2. Everything is a privilege. Soccer is not a right. Baseball is not a right. Being driven anywhere is not a right. Computers, iPods, Xboxes, cell phones, iPads, playing with friends, riding in the front seat, being left home alone, being allowed to “go on ahead” on your own, being allowed to go to a party, ceremony, friends house, guitar lessons, it is all a privilege. And it can all be taken away.
Basic #3. If you say it – swear it – threaten it – or even whisper it loud enough for them to hear, you MUST follow through and/or stand your ground. Regardless.
Basic #4. While critical thinking is a valuable skill, and the art of the negotiation is an admirable quality even in your children, bartering is for the birds. Bartering is exchanging one thing for another – for example, “If you clean the bathroom, you can play Xbox online with your friends.” This sets a dangerous precedent for years of misery. Do not barter with your kids. They need to clean the bathroom because they use it.
Basic #5. Reward the good. Comment on the good. Focus on the positive. Everyone just wants to feel like they are loved and that they make a positive contribution. So let them.
