I may appear calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside I often feel like a hysterical person running around with my head cut off.   This week has been a perfect example of that.  Out of the blue, without warning, Kamden got sick.  Odd, because he was fine to swim for 6 hours at a party on Sunday.  I guess it is too much to ask for a little I’m-not-feeling-so-good-maybe-i-should-slow-down-and-not-over-do-it attitude from a 10-year old.

Three days of missed school (so far), taking-for-ever-doctor appointment, pharmacy trip, pain medication because I ran out trip, soup making, nursing him better, rubbing his back – all of it sent me into a panic of overwhelm and frustration because I was on deadline this week.  And then….

Lying on the sofa, weak from strep throat, exhausted from the medication and inability to sleep or eat well, Kamden said to me quietly, “I am so glad you are my mom.”

I stopped from rushing his just-in-case-bowl and cold (now warm) towel back into the kitchen and focused on his little sweaty face.  “Really?”  I said.

“Yup.  You always take such good care of me.”  He closed his eyes, then opened them again at half-mast.  “Thank you,” he whispered with love and fell back into his healing slumber.

I stood staring at him.  All of sudden he seemed so little, so vulnerable and innocent.  He seemed 10.  And I was brought back to reality – a reality for which I am eternally grateful that I can be the one who gets to let everything else go and be at home with him when he is sick.  I get to be the one who takes him to the doctor and hold his head as he slumps over, unable to stay awake in those horribly uncomfortable chairs.  He climbs onto my lap for comfort.  Asks me to scratch his back.  Gives himself over to me, completely, to take care of him and nurture him back to health.

I am his Mom.  His safe place.  Where and to whom he can surrender it all and know that he will be taken care of no matter what.  Seeing that in him allows me to surrender my own struggles, my own worries, and know that regardless, all will be taken care of.   In this house of sickness and pain, peace and hope and love prevail.