Swaying back and forth in the dark room as the optometrist inspected Kendall’s eye, I alternated between an intense need to make all kinds of bargains with God or run from the room screaming or cry or hold my son’s hand or tell the doctor, “Please hurry up and why is it taking so long!” Struggling with the intense nausea coming over me, it was all I could do not to go to the darkest, worst case scenario.
Yesterday morning, Kendall was hit in the eye with a soccer ball. His right eye. His big beautiful sky blue eye. Evidently, since that incident, there have been intermittent “black curtains” blocking his vision. I was not privy to this information, for whatever reason, until this morning. Until HE was sufficiently freaked out enough about it to BOTHER to tell me, his mother.
How can I help my kids if they won’t tell me what’s going on? And why the silence? Ten days ago, I discovered my other son’s big left toe was severely traumatized and had developed a serious infection. Truly horrifying to look at, I asked him in amazement how long it had been that way. “I dunno,” he said sheepishly, “awhile.”
Awhile. What exactly is “awhile” to a 10 year old or a 13 year-old. Long-enough-for the-toe-to-be-so-painful-as-to-require-an-emergency-visit-to-a-podiatrist-and-have-minor-surgery while? Or, wait-until-I-can’t-see-with-my-right-eye-so-many-times-that-wow-maybe-I-should-mention-something-to-my-mom while?
Children grow up and eventually claim autonomy. They want their privacy. I haven’t seen either of them naked for years. Nor would I want to – I cling to that little baby image in my head to this day and it does not need to be destroyed with body hair and smelly things. But, I have learned my lesson here. As they grow and showcase their responsible selves and what wonderful young men they are becoming, I must remember that they are STILL CHILDREN and they cannot be responsible to fully take care of themselves.
They can be left alone for brief periods. They can cook a meal. They can be responsible for getting their homework done. They know their chores and for the most part, they get the consequences of behavior – both positive and negative. But what they obviously don’t get, because they have no experience with it, is the repercussions of ignoring your health or your body. That, it seems, has been taken for granted.
I am grateful that the toe was able to heal after the minor surgery and 10 days of oral antibiotics. I am grateful that Kendall’s eye seems to be undamaged. I am also grateful that in the span of two weeks they (AND I) are now aware that if the “black curtain” or “floaters” appear in his eye, he needs to let someone know IMMEDIATELY so that we can monitor it and that if there is pain or something odd looking on your body MOM NEEDS TO SEE IT.
I will also now do RANDOM checks on their bodies. Arms, legs, hands, feet, face, scalp, neck, etc. to search for any abnormalities. I have talked to them about how to check their “private” areas and verified that all is being cleaned properly. Not exactly the most delicate or comfortable conversation to have with my kids, but jeez, if I am talking to them about the dangers of sex, that blow jobs are sex, to say to drugs, to act like a young gentleman regardless of what their friends are doing, then I can talk to them about taking care of and maintaining the care of their bodies – and KEEPING THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN on that subject with me and their Dad.
Make an appointment with your kids so you never have to ask in a panicked, nausea induced state, “It’s been this way for HOW LONG?”