As we are living in times of simplification, elimination and getting back to the basics of what is really important in life, I realize that there is much in many aspects of my life that I have a hard time letting go of. That I use as a barrier, a wall, an excuse to stay stuck, to remain who I am as opposed to finally breaking through and becoming the me I know I am meant to be. It is not about loss for me anymore, but about recognizing that which it is time to leave behind. This leaving behind for me is akin to a detox – going through the process of removing any toxic elements from my life. And I am finally at the point where I believe that having less is truly an avenue to discovering and experiencing more.

As I pondered this thought, I felt I needed some structure (something I am not leaving behind). I chose to begin with “A” as it seemed a logical place to start, and to move through the alphabet. In this introspective moment of contemplating “A” and what to detox that starts with “A”, it occurred to me that I may have an addictive personality, as the thought of giving up anything was actually causing me anxiety, even though there is much I know needs to go. 

From a medical standpoint, an addictive personality is recognized by psychological and physiological forces that makes someone do something habitually – from substances to behavioral practices – in an attempt to cope with internal struggles or unmet needs. There are many levels of addiction and I realize some are very serious, requiring intervention and immediate medical treatment, and in no way do I intend to trivialize that for anyone. On the contrary, perhaps we can all see the issue in a new light, with transparency at more than one level. My issues are not severe, but do require owning up to them and admitting them, out loud, here, to you so that I can leave them behind and move forward.

So what do my addictions say about me? What is it about luxury bed linens, a clean house, butter cream frosting, Facebook, red wine, buying expensive items on super clearance, baked goods, exercise, email, chocolate, fine stationary, and certain TV shows? And what do they all say about my internal struggles and unmet needs? I don’t quite know yet, but here I begin my journey of the Alphabet Detox, where I shall look closely at my life and see what toxic or no longer needed behaviors, qualities and/or substances I can remove to take my life, and thus me, to the next level.

Detxoing from “A”. Addictions usually induce a pleasant mental and emotional state or relieve some sort of distress – which sounds like they should be something we would all want to keep. But when you throw in the element of lack of control, well, then, it does not seem to be such a great thing. I know I can’t walk into my favorite store during their super clearance sale without walking out with something that I don’t need but just could not pass up because well, hey, it was originally $179 dollars and I got it for 22 bucks. Yup. That’s a pleasant mental state for me. Hilarious when I look at it that way. And so embarrassing.

I will work on my need to buy on super clearance. My new mantra – if I wouldn’t pay full price for it, why would I buy it on sale? I will work on my compulsion to check email on my phone when I am with a living, breathing person; to eat the frosting off the cake that my kids leave behind; to drink the red wine just because it’s there; to give in to the desire to purchase another set of bed linens; and yes, to be right.

Detoxing requires support. So I am asking you to hold me accountable. I will be as  transparent as possible in discussing what I am giving up and removing in an effort to be a better person, to move forward, to find a deeper meaning in “less,”  in a non-toxic state. I worry just a bit that without preservatives there won’t be anything holding me together and keeping me stable, but at this point, it’s a risk worth taking. I hope you will be willing to take this risk with me and explore your own life for that which you could eliminate or change to make it easier for you to move forward. Must go check my email now, before I get to “E”!