Seems like an appropriate anthem for my life at this point in time.  In fact, I say it and hear it said by others almost daily.  So I was amazed and in awe when the following video by OK Go was brought to my attention by Keith (thanks Keith for loving music so much that you are constantly discovering new music for us to enjoy!)   Truly, one of the most remarkable music videos I have seen in a very long time, it will remind you that each and every thing that happens leads to something else, which leads to something else, which leads to something else….and on and on and on.  Enjoy!

Click Here To Watch The Video By OK GO -  This Too Shall Pass

This experience is not unique to me.  However, it is not one necessarily shared “out loud” very often.  Last week, all week, my kids and I were at odds.  We just could not seem to find a rhythm.  We were getting in each other’s way – literally and figuratively – and could not communicate without setting off some sort of trigger.  Okay, to be perfectly honest, the triggers were mine.  They were just being kids.  But at 11 and 13 it is no longer like living in house with children.  They take up space.  They have deep loud voices.  They smell at the end of the day.  And, goddammit, they have their own ideas and feelings of what is right and how to do things.

Ultimately, what is causing the friction, the tension, and the power struggle is MY inability to give up controlling every single aspect of their lives.    Just in the last six months our relationship has gone from my being in charge of them completely, to my being a mom who is there to help them navigate their own way from here on out.    Last week, I could not just be a “helper.”  I was holding lord over them, desperately clinging to my “Captain” role.  This is my ship!  I am in charge!  You will do as you are told!  It is my way or the highway!  You will defer to me!  Yup, pretty much trying to play God and have them surrender themselves and their will to ME.

Self-righteous and controlling are two words that now come to mind.  Therapy is another one.  How much future therapy have I caused them in the past seven days?  Enough to warrant a therapy scholarship?  Ah, if only there were such a thing, I would apply not only for them, but for myself as well.

But the best therapy is for me to realize that while they are still dependant upon me as I will always be their mom and hopefully always one of their “go to” people, they must now also find and depend upon own their own source, their own voice.   Prior to this moment in time, I was their captain – their voice, protector, guide, and cheerleader.  The one who kept them on the straight and narrow path.   Now, today, my role has shifted.  I am here to guide them as they find their own voice, a voice they can become dependent upon.   They will make their own mistakes.  I can’t stop them.  They will have their own experiences.  I can’t control them.   I have to let go, a little bit more each day, so that one day they can stand on their own as the bright, compassionate, wonderful young men that they are becoming.

So in this moment, I choose to shift my focus.  I will no longer look at them and see the past or literally fight with them to keep the past in the present.  I will not look at this as a loss.  Yes, I will grieve the babies and the life that we have lived for the last 13 years.  But I will grieve it privately, and quickly, so that I may move into the joy as I look forward toward the possibilities before them.  The possibilities of who they are becoming.  Who they are becoming because I was their Captain.  Who they will become because I am now just a guide.

Ah, to be 10 again!

The number that follows nine.

The first two-digit number.

The highest score possible in Olympic competitions.

The base of our decimal system.

The number of years in a decade.

The sum of the first four numbers 1 + 2 + 3 + 4

The number of digits on both hands.

The number of digits on both feet.

The number of Commandments in the Bible.

The number of violin sonatas composed by Beethoven

The most common jersey number in soccer for attacking midfielders

The number of cents in a dime.

The number that is one tenth of a dollar.

I get so many emails, daily blogs, ezines, magazines, newspapers, etc. that I don’t have time to keep up with them.  Recently, however,  I found a new one that I like and that I bother to read as it comes in because it continues to peak my interest. Check it out:  Seth Godin.   Let me know what you are reading.

I just read some very alarming statistics*:

5,479 adult internet users experience internet fraud A DAY.

9% of identity theft information is obtained online.

“The emotional impact of internet identity fraud has been found to parallel that of victims of violent crime.” – EMM*

Do you use the same log in for every site you go to?  Evidently, this is not a good idea.  You “should” have a different pass code for each site.  As someone who does, I can tell you that it is a nightmare, and I can never leave my “secret” log in code box behind if I hope to be able to navigate the mess that I have created with different pass codes.  Try being out of town and desperately needing to log in to, oh, I don’t know, your blog’s control panel, and not being able to because you can’t remember what arrangement of your various codes you created to protect yourself.  Sadly, I protected myself from myself.  There must be a happy middle code place.

Do you use upper and lower case and a number in your pass code?

As I tell my kids, “If you have to LOG IN you MUST LOG OFF.”  Their computers are full of viruses.  Do you think they listened?

Speaking of viruses, use anti-virus spyware like Norton or Kapersky if you are PC.  If you are a Mac, bravo!  Move on to the next bit of info.

Forward suspect spam to the company that seemingly sent it.  For example, if you get a Bank of America notice to fill out personal information to verify your account, DON’T DO IT!  Go to bofa.com and send them a copy of the email.  Send it to spam@uce.gov as well.

This conversation with your kids does not need to be uncomfortable.  There is no need to demonstrate how to put anything on, so sit down today and talk about how they can protect themselves and your family from the dangers of the internet.  Identity fraud is just the tip of this iceberg.  Make sure you address porn and chat rooms and facebook and my space, as well.  It will make the password conversation seem to be exactly what it is, elementary, my dear.

Practice Safe Surfing!

*statistics from week 9 of Every Monday Matters.